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Beyond Parental Control

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Parents’ concern about their children’s future success in a competitive economy is understandable and inevitable. However, societal pressures shouldn’t intimidate a parent from focusing on establishing a strong emotional bond with their children, which can serve as a benchmark for lasting happiness and success in the best meaning of the words.

Parenting is an indispensable responsibility that requires more than just fulfilling a child’s basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing. In today’s fast-paced and demanding world, parents may feel the need to exert excessive control over their children’s lives by putting their emotional health on the back burner. However, such an approach egregiously backfires, leading to stress and depression. Therefore, parents must recognize that building a healthy and supportive relationship with their children is just as essential as providing for their basic needs.

Parents have a unique opportunity to help their children navigate the challenges of the world and discover their strengths and passions. Encouraging children to explore their interests and fostering an environment that prioritizes quality time spent together is imperative in creating a safe and nurturing space to freely express their thoughts and untainted feelings without fear of judgment or jibes. This approach not only helps children to develop a strong sense of self-awareness and self-confidence, but it also promotes healthy emotional growth and development. By actively engaging with children and showing a genuine interest in their interests and passions, parents can create a positive and lasting impact on their child’s well-being, both in the short and long term.

Moreover, parents must also exemplify the behaviors and values they want to instill in their children. For instance, to instill the value of leading a healthy lifestyle in their children, parents can make it a priority by engaging in activities such as preparing nutritious meals together or taking a family hike on weekends, rather than simply reprimanding their child for consuming unhealthy food repeatedly. By embodying the principles, they wish to instill in their children, rather than authoritatively acting as mere martinets, parents can serve as influential role models, inspiring their children to embrace positive habits and behaviors. When parents lead by example, they create a ripple effect that extends far beyond their own family, inspiring other parents to follow in their footsteps and make positive changes in their lives and communities.

Thus, the most effective way to teach your children is not by imposing your own crafted rules in a vacuum, which can lead to rebellion or resentment. Rather, parents should involve their children in decision-making processes to demonstrate respect for their child’s autonomy and encourage them to take ownership of their actions. By setting an example of open communication, empathy, and mutual respect, parents can foster a healthy family dynamic that supports their children’s growth and development into responsible, compassionate adults.

At its core, parenting revolves around instilling children with values and principles that will guide them through life, while also equipping them with the tools to navigate the challenges. The true measure of a parent’s success is not determined by the strictness of imposed rules or the material possessions met out to their children, but rather the strength and depth of emotional bond they forge with their children. By prioritizing empathy, emotional support, and healthy communication, parents can create a supportive environment that empowers their children to thrive in all facets of life.

While it is sadly true that parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds face unique and daunting obstacles in nurturing meaningful relationships with their children, it is crucial to recognize that their struggles are compounded by a host of socioeconomic factors. From the relentless cycle of poverty to the ever-increasing cost of living, these families are constantly forced to live in sub-human conditions that threaten to undermine their efforts to provide emotional and financial stability for their children. Moreover, these parents often have to bear the brunt of systemic inequality, which can limit their and their child’s access to critical resources such as quality education, healthcare, and job opportunities. This, in turn, can exacerbate their financial woes and leave them feeling helpless and overwhelmed.

In such a context, the challenge of fostering positive and engaging relationships with their children becomes all the more daunting. These parents are forced to juggle multiple responsibilities and competing demands on their time and energy. Furthermore, parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds do have not access to the same resources and opportunities as those from more affluent backgrounds, making it harder for them to engage in activities that foster healthy parent-child relationships, such as family vacations or extracurricular activities.

Despite facing formidable challenges due to their socio-economic status, parents should prioritize their relationships with their children, and even small acts of kindness, such as reading a bedtime story, having a family game night, or offering words of encouragement, can foster strong emotional bonds. To create a nurturing home environment and a psychologically healthy space for them, you don’t need to bring expensive gifts or require lavish trips for them.

The true test of effective parenting in lower middle-class families lies in choosing between exploiting their children as mere means of climbing the social ladder or prioritizing a healthy relationship with them, which will ultimately shape both their future and ours. Achieving this balance requires careful consideration to ensure that their well-being is not overshadowed by a desire for upper social status. There is no dill-dallying the fact that ideas are bulletproof; they don’t die and what we instill in our children will come around to us.

Therefore, it is essential to teach them the true meaning of parental relationships and stop using our parental license as a weapon to impose our myopic thinking onto the ever-growing horizons of their young mind. Parents can provide their children with valuable life skills and abilities by demonstrating constructive coping mechanisms and effective problem-solving strategies. By setting a positive example in these areas, parents can equip their children with the tools necessary to overcome challenges and navigate success in various areas of their lives. This approach to parenting can empower children to develop resilience, adaptability, and a proactive mindset, which will serve them well throughout their lives. It is essential for children to develop resilience during deleterious times and to avoid becoming overly fixated on achieving success during salubrious times. The learning and unlearning process of children is significantly impacted by the role of parents. Parents can contribute to this process by motivating their children to face challenges and learn from their failures, which in turn can instill a growth mindset that promotes resilience and determination

Ultimately, the most valuable legacy that a parent can leave their child is a lasting human connection by investing in their child’s emotional and mental health, as it lays the foundation for nurturing their children’s individuality and supporting their growth and development beyond the pressures of societal expectations, which they will pass on to the next generation. In this way, the vicious cycle of toxic parenting can be broken, freeing the parent-child relationship from the sacrificial altar of societal pressures that demand immediate success stories from their children at the cost of their individuality, and parents from their suffocating obsession with their child’s success at any cost. By teaching these values and modeling them in their own lives, parents can prepare their children to navigate the ups and downs, the worsts and bests, and the highs and lows of life with confidence and grace.

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Arts, Culture & Heritage

Rumi, the Moral Psychologist

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Maulana Jalal-ud-Din Mohammad (1207-1273), popularly known as Rumi, was a Muslim theologian-turned-poet. His poetry, published in two genres of masnavi and ghazal is mainly focused on the idea of love and its relation to the intimacy with God. However, the thoughts of Rumi, expressed through thousands of verses and ghazals, go beyond love and touch upon various aspects of human life and the universe. Even a cursory reading of Rumi’s poetry reveals his wide-ranging and thoughtful expressions on nature, universe, world, anger, lust, justice, purity, etc. According to Ahmed Javed, a contemporary literary critic, Rumi is the best author of human experience in the world. In other words, Rumi best describes the meaning of being a human on planet earth. Alan Williams, professor of Iraninan studies and translator of the works of Rumi, has identified the voice of moral reflection or homily as one of the seven voices while defining the narrative structure of Masnavi, a long poem by Rumi published in 06 volumes. Similar vein of advice and observations on moral psychology can be found in over 3,000 ghazals of Divan or Divan-e- Shams, the collection of ghazals by Rumi. Brittanica, an online encyclopedia, defines moral psychology as “the empirical and conceptual study of moral judgement, motivation and development”. This article details the verses of Rumi, from both Masnavi and Divan, which convey the deep observations of the poet regarding moral psychology. The verses are easily discernible for enduring reliability.


Like other poets, Rumi deploys the tropes of allegory, metaphor, simile, folklore, historical events, personalities, Quranic verses, Hadith etc to make his point. I will present a selection of verses from Rumi’s Masnavi and Divan highlighting the moral psychology therein.


این جہان کوہ است و فعل ما ندا
سوئ ما آید نداہا راصدا
(M I:215)
This world is the mountain, and our action the shout: the echo of the shouts comes (back) to us.

Rumi has explained the recompense for deeds and misdeeds by comparing the whole world to a mountain. Just like the mountain returns the schists by echoing it, the good and bad deeds are accordingly rewarded in this world.
Rumi’s places a lot of emphasis on the importance of thoughts in the life of a human being. He considers that a human being is nothing but a thought itself.


ای برادر تو همان اندیشه ای
ما بقی خود استخوان و ریشه ای
گر گ‌ُل است اندیشه ای تو گُلشنی
ور بوُد خاری تو هیمه گُلخنی
Brother! Your worth is in your thoughts alone; you are blood and flesh apart from that
You are rose, if all your thoughts are selfless
If bitter, you are a thorn that is judged worthless
Brother, your worth is in your thoughts alone
M II, 277-278

The formidable effect of a person’s thoughts are highlighted in the above verses. The precursor of every action is a thought. In a sense Rumi is ahead of René Descartes (1596–1650), French philosopher, by three hundred years who affirmed cogito ergo sum ( think therefore I am!). In other words, the ability to think and perceive constituted the most important element of human existence. At many places in both Masnavi and Divan Rumi elucidates how negative thoughts disempower and depress a human being and how he can rise above those thought processes. In the opening verse of Ghazal 2500 of Divan, Rumi diagnosed that the doom and gloom is always characterised by mean thoughts of a man:


چه افسردی در آن گوشه چرا تو هم نمی‌گردی
مگر تو فکر منحوسی که جز بر غم نمی‌گرد
Why are you depressed and cornered instead of moving ahead?
But then you are an epitome of mean thought and you are obsessed over grief

In numerous verses, Rumi emphasises the layered and unfathomable inner world of a human being, making it all the more important to avoid judging someone through appearances alone. An example:


َمرد را صد سال عم و خال او
یک سر ُمویی نہ ِبیند حال اُو
A man’s paternal and maternal uncles (may see him) for a hundred years, and of his (inward) state not see (so much as) the tip of a hair (M:3, 4249)

Rumi underlines the complexity of human psyche in that it is characterised by an inner world which is rarely apparent. In other words, he implies that our judgements based on the outward appearances or behaviour of a person may well be wrong considering that appearances never represent the human being on the whole.

Regarding worldly gains and glory, Rumi maintains that on the one hand they uplift and increase a person’s standing among the people but conversely they become the reason of the downfall too as succinctly expressed in the verse below:


دشمنِ طاؤس آمد پر اُو
ای بسی شہ را بکشتہ فر اُو
The peacock’s plumage is its enemy: O many the king who hath been slain by his magnificence!
(M1:208)

Rumi is of the view that by reciprocating a bad deed, one becomes equal to the perpetrator of the act. He, therefore, exhorts restraint or better still good behaviour in response to treatment.


گر فراق بندہ از بد بندھگی است
چون تو با بد بندگی پس فرق چیست

Have I deserved my fate for some offence; If you hurt sinners what’s the difference?(M:1,1564)

It can be discerned from the above selection that besides numerous themes in his collection of verses (in Masnavi and Divan) Rumi conveys a message of morality in unmatched eloquence and clarity. Perhaps it is beauty and depth and a sense of wonder in these verses that remain relevant to date and keeps guiding anyone who immerses in the ocean of his wisdom.

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CPEC

Poor Winter Maintenance of KKH Risks CPEC All-Weather Trade

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KKH winter maintenance

The Karakoram Highway (KKH), a vital lifeline for trade between Pakistan and China under the China-Pakistan Economic Corridor (CPEC), faces critical challenges each winter due to negligent maintenance. Connecting the two nations through the Khunjerab Pass—at over 4,693 meters (15,397 feet) above sea level—this strategic route is central to trade and regional economic integration. The pass connects Gilgit-Baltistan with China’s Xinjiang region and was reopened after closing for almost three years in April 2023. The land border was closed in 2020 after the outbreak of COVID-19. However, when heavy snowfalls hit, KKH becomes treacherous, risking the disruption of trade and the economic ties vital to both countries.


The KKH, a pivotal component of CPEC, facilitates the movement of goods and strengthens economic ties between Pakistan and China. Its year-round functionality is crucial for trade. Yet, the lack of timely snow clearance and road maintenance is disrupting the route, undermining the goals of CPEC.
Despite past agreements aimed at transforming the KKH into an all-weather route, meaningful execution has been lacking. This year, authorities have announced plans to finally implement measures to ensure year-round connectivity. However, the existing state of road maintenance raises doubts about their effectiveness and commitment.


For Aman Ullah, a resident and trader from Gojal, Hunza, the snowbound Karakoram Highway is more than just an inconvenience—it’s a daily struggle that threatens his livelihood. “We are often left stranded for days, with no way to continue our trade,” he shared with The Karakoram.
Aman explained, “A few years ago, the Chinese government donated four state-of-the-art snow-clearing machines to the FWO for winter maintenance of the Khunjerab Border and nearby sections of the KKH. These advanced machines, equipped with computerized systems, were intended to ensure safe travel and uninterrupted trade. However, only one of these machines remains operational today, and even that is reportedly in poor condition. Instead of effectively clearing the snow, it often leaves the road even worse, making travel difficult. The fate of the other three machines remains unknown, raising serious concerns about mismanagement and a lack of accountability.”


The poor state of snow clearing operations has caused a worrying rise in road accidents, Tufail Ahmed, the owner of a transport company whose vehicles frequently travel to China via the KKH, shared his frustrations. Stranded vehicles have become a common sight, with travelers risking their lives in freezing temperatures,” he said.
Abdur Rehman, an import-export trader from Gilgit-Baltistan, highlighted the contrast between the two sides, adding, “In stark contrast, the Chinese side of the Khunjerab Pass ensures the road remains well-maintained and operational during winter. Advanced machinery and a proactive approach demonstrate their commitment to maintaining seamless connectivity. This disparity reflects poorly on Pakistan’s preparedness and raises questions about the efficiency of NHA and FWO.”


Dr. Faqeer Muhammad, Director of the China Study Centre in Gilgit-Baltistan, emphasized the broader implications, stating, “The KKH is more than just a road—it’s a vital trade corridor that plays a key role in China’s Belt and Road Initiative (BRI); it is a symbol of connectivity, trade, and opportunity. Neglecting its maintenance during winter risks undermining Pakistan’s economic and strategic interests, calling for immediate attention from the authorities.” Its maintenance is critical not just for trade but for the broader economic and strategic objectives of CPEC.


This neglect not only puts lives in danger but also hampers trade activities, creating significant bottlenecks for transportation linked to CPEC.
Residents and stakeholders are demanding urgent action to address these issues. Effective utilization of resources, transparent accountability for the missing machinery, and better coordination between authorities are imperative. Maintaining the KKH as a safe and reliable trade route is not just a regional necessity; it is a cornerstone of CPEC and a matter of national importance.

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Gilgit-Baltistan Marks 77th Liberation Day from Dogra Rule

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Gilgit Baltistan Independence

Gilgit-Baltistan enthusiastically celebrated its 77th Liberation Day on November 1st, 2024. A public holiday was declared in all ten districts, and various events were organized to commemorate the occasion.


The main event was held at Yadgar Shuhada Chinar Bagh, where Governor Syed Mehdi Shah, Chief Minister Haji Gulbar Khan, and Commander FCNA Major General Syed Imtiaz Hussain Gilani unfurled the national flag. Provincial ministers, the Chief Secretary, the IG Police, and other senior officials also attended the ceremony. Floral tributes were paid to the martyrs, and the armed forces of the GB Police presented a salute.
Governor Syed Mehdi Shah emphasized the sacrifices made by the Gilgit-Baltistan Scouts, the region’s forefathers to liberate it from Dogra rule. He also acknowledged the sacrifices of the martyrs and reaffirmed the commitment to national security.


A special Independence Day ceremony was organized at the Army Helipad, where high-ranking civil and military officials participated. For the first time in Gilgit-Baltistan’s history, the 77th Independence Day Parade was telecast live on national channels, including Gilgit-Baltistan PTV. Many people viewed the parade live at Wahab Shaheed Ground and Lalak Jan Shaheed Ground.

Commander 10 Corps Lieutenant General Shahid Imtiaz highlighted the significance of Gilgit-Baltistan’s freedom, achieved through the courage and sacrifice of its people. He emphasized the region’s enduring loyalty to Pakistan.


Chief Minister Haji Gulbar Khan paid tribute to the region’s martyrs and expressed pride in the people of Gilgit-Baltistan. He also acknowledged the pivotal role played by the Gilgit-Baltistan Scouts, a force with a rich history dating back to the British Raj. Their courage and sacrifice were instrumental in securing the region’s freedom from Dogra rule. Alongside the local populace, the Scouts fought valiantly against the Dogra forces and ultimately achieved victory.


The Independence Day Parade featured troops from the NLI Center, GB Scouts, Women Police, GB Police, Punjab Rangers, Cadet College Skardu, and Cadet College Chilas. The celebrations also included paragliding performances and cultural programs, featuring national and regional patriotic songs as well as local dances.


Similar celebrations were held in all districts of Gilgit-Baltistan, with cultural programs, flag hoisting ceremonies, and tributes to martyrs. The Pakistan Army played a significant role in organizing these events and broadcasting special programs.


As Gilgit-Baltistan commemorates its 77th Liberation Day, it reaffirms its commitment to national unity and prosperity. The region’s rich history, diverse culture, and stunning natural beauty continue to attract visitors from around the world. With its strategic location and abundant resources, Gilgit-Baltistan is poised to play a vital role in Pakistan’s development and progress.

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