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Redefining Parental Relationships: Moving Beyond Superficial Expectations

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The increasing social and economic parameters make parents more anxious than their children. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the academic competition, once only among students racing to achieve the highest scores, has become an absurd duel between the students and their demanding parents. In well-nigh-all families, the plague of comparison begins with the birth of a child. Parents start comparing their children with others and become dissatisfied when someone else’s child is doing better than theirs. The competition gets unbridled as their children enter practical life and intend to appear in competitive exams in pursuit of better jobs and a decent livelihood.

All parents expect their children to outperform their respective peers, especially those in the family circle. And it goes without saying that these socially constructed expectations limit a child’s relative freedom and individuality. In doing so, parents forget that their heightened expectations make their children unable to achieve a barrage of ‘expected’ results and they begin to feel like a burden on their families. They embark on this inexorable voyage of hope with the intention of paying back their parents, which only adds to the affliction.

For example, a parent might insist that their child maintain perfect grades, win all their sporting events, or achieve success in a particular career field, even if the child may not have the same level of interest or natural ability in those areas. This can create a sense of pressure and stress for the child, who may feel that they are being asked to accomplish a “tall order” that is beyond their abilities or preferences, and a child who fails to meet their parent’s academic expectations may face consequences such as loss of privileges, punishment, or even disapproval or rejection from their parents.

Some parents toss the interests of their child overboard as superfluous, going to the extent where they start seeing children as their ‘insurance policy’. They believe — and also make their children believe — that because they have invested so much throughout the child’s educational journey, they must receive their share of the output with interest by the end of their studies or careers, downplaying the emotional toll the children are already facing in practical life at that stage.

Meanwhile, the unsupportive education system adds to children’s woes and they have a rude awakening from a fantasy world to the harsh reality that mere graduation is not a free pass to economic prosperity. As a result, children begin to see their distorted reflection through the lens of society, which idolises those who make immediate success stories of themselves right after graduation.

In this toxic scenario, only parents can comfort their children and inculcate a sense of security in them by their unconditional love and affection. They should encourage the perception that every child takes their own time to make their mark. Therefore, a pyrrhic victory should not be meted out to children on the pretext of productivity that costs them their mental peace and happiness. On the contrary, they should be brought up with a sense of security that allows them to look ahead without fear of failure or obsession with success.

They should be given every opportunity to discover the full spectrum of their human potential and be allowed to learn to survive in the face of the harsh realities of life. In today’s competitive and demanding world, parents may feel the need to exert excessive control over their children’s lives, but such an approach invariably leads to stress and depression. Therefore, parents must recognize that building a healthy and supportive relationship with their children at a young age is just as crucial as providing for their physical needs. When parents and their children view the world in irreconcilable ways, it can create tension and conflict within the family, as well as confusion and anxiety for the children. It can also make it difficult for the parents to co-parent effectively and make decisions that are in the best interest of their children.

However, parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds may face larger challenges in establishing engaging relationships with their children, especially during times of rising inflation and egregious poverty. Not only do they have to deal with financial instability, but they also have to juggle their daily responsibilities with providing emotional support for their children. Their concerns about their children’s future success in a cruel economy that toss the superfluous people overboard in no time are understandable, but then putting undue pressure on them will make the course of life the worst. Instead, parents should focus on establishing a strong emotional bond with their children, which can serve as a foundation for lifelong happiness and success. Monetary rewards should not be the sole focus of the parent-child relationship. Instead, parents should prioritize empathy, understanding, and emotional support.

Furthermore, parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds may not have access to the same resources and opportunities as those from more affluent backgrounds, making it harder for them to engage in activities that foster healthy parent-child relationships, such as family vacations or extracurricular activities. Despite these challenges, parents must prioritize their relationships with their children. Even small acts of kindness and engagement, such as reading a bedtime story, having a family game night, or even praising them for completing their homework or motivating them in their satisfactory results, can go a long way in building strong bonds between parents and children. Since ideas are bulletproof; they don’t die, what we instill in our children will come around to us. Therefore, it is essential to teach them the true meaning of parental relationships and avoid using our parental license as a weapon to impose our thinking on them under pretext of correcting their course of life.

In a nutshell, there is more to parenting than meets the eye. It entails building a strong emotional connection and fostering a love relationship that stands the unforgiving tests of time. By prioritizing empathy, emotional support, and healthy communication, parents can create a supportive environment that empowers their child to succeed and thrive in the truest sense of the word. The most significant gift a parent can give to their child is not licensed control or financial rewards, but the timeless gift of a lifelong bond built on love, trust, and mutual respect, which they will, in turn, pass on to the next generation. In this way, the vicious cycle of toxic parenting can be broken, freeing society from its shackles. Let them succeed or fail in their own ways without driven to despair or faux hope, allowing them to navigate life’s slippery slope.

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  1. اجاره خودرو

    October 11, 2023 at 5:32 am

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Arts, Culture & Heritage

Rumi, the Moral Psychologist

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Maulana Jalal-ud-Din Mohammad (1207-1273), popularly known as Rumi, was a Muslim theologian-turned-poet. His poetry, published in two genres of masnavi and ghazal is mainly focused on the idea of love and its relation to the intimacy with God. However, the thoughts of Rumi, expressed through thousands of verses and ghazals, go beyond love and touch upon various aspects of human life and the universe. Even a cursory reading of Rumi’s poetry reveals his wide-ranging and thoughtful expressions on nature, universe, world, anger, lust, justice, purity, etc. According to Ahmed Javed, a contemporary literary critic, Rumi is the best author of human experience in the world. In other words, Rumi best describes the meaning of being a human on planet earth. Alan Williams, professor of Iraninan studies and translator of the works of Rumi, has identified the voice of moral reflection or homily as one of the seven voices while defining the narrative structure of Masnavi, a long poem by Rumi published in 06 volumes. Similar vein of advice and observations on moral psychology can be found in over 3,000 ghazals of Divan or Divan-e- Shams, the collection of ghazals by Rumi. Brittanica, an online encyclopedia, defines moral psychology as “the empirical and conceptual study of moral judgement, motivation and development”. This article details the verses of Rumi, from both Masnavi and Divan, which convey the deep observations of the poet regarding moral psychology. The verses are easily discernible for enduring reliability.


Like other poets, Rumi deploys the tropes of allegory, metaphor, simile, folklore, historical events, personalities, Quranic verses, Hadith etc to make his point. I will present a selection of verses from Rumi’s Masnavi and Divan highlighting the moral psychology therein.


این جہان کوہ است و فعل ما ندا
سوئ ما آید نداہا راصدا
(M I:215)
This world is the mountain, and our action the shout: the echo of the shouts comes (back) to us.

Rumi has explained the recompense for deeds and misdeeds by comparing the whole world to a mountain. Just like the mountain returns the schists by echoing it, the good and bad deeds are accordingly rewarded in this world.
Rumi’s places a lot of emphasis on the importance of thoughts in the life of a human being. He considers that a human being is nothing but a thought itself.


ای برادر تو همان اندیشه ای
ما بقی خود استخوان و ریشه ای
گر گ‌ُل است اندیشه ای تو گُلشنی
ور بوُد خاری تو هیمه گُلخنی
Brother! Your worth is in your thoughts alone; you are blood and flesh apart from that
You are rose, if all your thoughts are selfless
If bitter, you are a thorn that is judged worthless
Brother, your worth is in your thoughts alone
M II, 277-278

The formidable effect of a person’s thoughts are highlighted in the above verses. The precursor of every action is a thought. In a sense Rumi is ahead of René Descartes (1596–1650), French philosopher, by three hundred years who affirmed cogito ergo sum ( think therefore I am!). In other words, the ability to think and perceive constituted the most important element of human existence. At many places in both Masnavi and Divan Rumi elucidates how negative thoughts disempower and depress a human being and how he can rise above those thought processes. In the opening verse of Ghazal 2500 of Divan, Rumi diagnosed that the doom and gloom is always characterised by mean thoughts of a man:


چه افسردی در آن گوشه چرا تو هم نمی‌گردی
مگر تو فکر منحوسی که جز بر غم نمی‌گرد
Why are you depressed and cornered instead of moving ahead?
But then you are an epitome of mean thought and you are obsessed over grief

In numerous verses, Rumi emphasises the layered and unfathomable inner world of a human being, making it all the more important to avoid judging someone through appearances alone. An example:


َمرد را صد سال عم و خال او
یک سر ُمویی نہ ِبیند حال اُو
A man’s paternal and maternal uncles (may see him) for a hundred years, and of his (inward) state not see (so much as) the tip of a hair (M:3, 4249)

Rumi underlines the complexity of human psyche in that it is characterised by an inner world which is rarely apparent. In other words, he implies that our judgements based on the outward appearances or behaviour of a person may well be wrong considering that appearances never represent the human being on the whole.

Regarding worldly gains and glory, Rumi maintains that on the one hand they uplift and increase a person’s standing among the people but conversely they become the reason of the downfall too as succinctly expressed in the verse below:


دشمنِ طاؤس آمد پر اُو
ای بسی شہ را بکشتہ فر اُو
The peacock’s plumage is its enemy: O many the king who hath been slain by his magnificence!
(M1:208)

Rumi is of the view that by reciprocating a bad deed, one becomes equal to the perpetrator of the act. He, therefore, exhorts restraint or better still good behaviour in response to treatment.


گر فراق بندہ از بد بندھگی است
چون تو با بد بندگی پس فرق چیست

Have I deserved my fate for some offence; If you hurt sinners what’s the difference?(M:1,1564)

It can be discerned from the above selection that besides numerous themes in his collection of verses (in Masnavi and Divan) Rumi conveys a message of morality in unmatched eloquence and clarity. Perhaps it is beauty and depth and a sense of wonder in these verses that remain relevant to date and keeps guiding anyone who immerses in the ocean of his wisdom.

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CPEC

Poor Winter Maintenance of KKH Risks CPEC All-Weather Trade

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KKH winter maintenance

The Karakoram Highway (KKH), a vital lifeline for trade between Pakistan and China under the China-Pakistan Economic Corridor (CPEC), faces critical challenges each winter due to negligent maintenance. Connecting the two nations through the Khunjerab Pass—at over 4,693 meters (15,397 feet) above sea level—this strategic route is central to trade and regional economic integration. The pass connects Gilgit-Baltistan with China’s Xinjiang region and was reopened after closing for almost three years in April 2023. The land border was closed in 2020 after the outbreak of COVID-19. However, when heavy snowfalls hit, KKH becomes treacherous, risking the disruption of trade and the economic ties vital to both countries.


The KKH, a pivotal component of CPEC, facilitates the movement of goods and strengthens economic ties between Pakistan and China. Its year-round functionality is crucial for trade. Yet, the lack of timely snow clearance and road maintenance is disrupting the route, undermining the goals of CPEC.
Despite past agreements aimed at transforming the KKH into an all-weather route, meaningful execution has been lacking. This year, authorities have announced plans to finally implement measures to ensure year-round connectivity. However, the existing state of road maintenance raises doubts about their effectiveness and commitment.


For Aman Ullah, a resident and trader from Gojal, Hunza, the snowbound Karakoram Highway is more than just an inconvenience—it’s a daily struggle that threatens his livelihood. “We are often left stranded for days, with no way to continue our trade,” he shared with The Karakoram.
Aman explained, “A few years ago, the Chinese government donated four state-of-the-art snow-clearing machines to the FWO for winter maintenance of the Khunjerab Border and nearby sections of the KKH. These advanced machines, equipped with computerized systems, were intended to ensure safe travel and uninterrupted trade. However, only one of these machines remains operational today, and even that is reportedly in poor condition. Instead of effectively clearing the snow, it often leaves the road even worse, making travel difficult. The fate of the other three machines remains unknown, raising serious concerns about mismanagement and a lack of accountability.”


The poor state of snow clearing operations has caused a worrying rise in road accidents, Tufail Ahmed, the owner of a transport company whose vehicles frequently travel to China via the KKH, shared his frustrations. Stranded vehicles have become a common sight, with travelers risking their lives in freezing temperatures,” he said.
Abdur Rehman, an import-export trader from Gilgit-Baltistan, highlighted the contrast between the two sides, adding, “In stark contrast, the Chinese side of the Khunjerab Pass ensures the road remains well-maintained and operational during winter. Advanced machinery and a proactive approach demonstrate their commitment to maintaining seamless connectivity. This disparity reflects poorly on Pakistan’s preparedness and raises questions about the efficiency of NHA and FWO.”


Dr. Faqeer Muhammad, Director of the China Study Centre in Gilgit-Baltistan, emphasized the broader implications, stating, “The KKH is more than just a road—it’s a vital trade corridor that plays a key role in China’s Belt and Road Initiative (BRI); it is a symbol of connectivity, trade, and opportunity. Neglecting its maintenance during winter risks undermining Pakistan’s economic and strategic interests, calling for immediate attention from the authorities.” Its maintenance is critical not just for trade but for the broader economic and strategic objectives of CPEC.


This neglect not only puts lives in danger but also hampers trade activities, creating significant bottlenecks for transportation linked to CPEC.
Residents and stakeholders are demanding urgent action to address these issues. Effective utilization of resources, transparent accountability for the missing machinery, and better coordination between authorities are imperative. Maintaining the KKH as a safe and reliable trade route is not just a regional necessity; it is a cornerstone of CPEC and a matter of national importance.

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Opinion

Gilgit-Baltistan Marks 77th Liberation Day from Dogra Rule

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Gilgit Baltistan Independence

Gilgit-Baltistan enthusiastically celebrated its 77th Liberation Day on November 1st, 2024. A public holiday was declared in all ten districts, and various events were organized to commemorate the occasion.


The main event was held at Yadgar Shuhada Chinar Bagh, where Governor Syed Mehdi Shah, Chief Minister Haji Gulbar Khan, and Commander FCNA Major General Syed Imtiaz Hussain Gilani unfurled the national flag. Provincial ministers, the Chief Secretary, the IG Police, and other senior officials also attended the ceremony. Floral tributes were paid to the martyrs, and the armed forces of the GB Police presented a salute.
Governor Syed Mehdi Shah emphasized the sacrifices made by the Gilgit-Baltistan Scouts, the region’s forefathers to liberate it from Dogra rule. He also acknowledged the sacrifices of the martyrs and reaffirmed the commitment to national security.


A special Independence Day ceremony was organized at the Army Helipad, where high-ranking civil and military officials participated. For the first time in Gilgit-Baltistan’s history, the 77th Independence Day Parade was telecast live on national channels, including Gilgit-Baltistan PTV. Many people viewed the parade live at Wahab Shaheed Ground and Lalak Jan Shaheed Ground.

Commander 10 Corps Lieutenant General Shahid Imtiaz highlighted the significance of Gilgit-Baltistan’s freedom, achieved through the courage and sacrifice of its people. He emphasized the region’s enduring loyalty to Pakistan.


Chief Minister Haji Gulbar Khan paid tribute to the region’s martyrs and expressed pride in the people of Gilgit-Baltistan. He also acknowledged the pivotal role played by the Gilgit-Baltistan Scouts, a force with a rich history dating back to the British Raj. Their courage and sacrifice were instrumental in securing the region’s freedom from Dogra rule. Alongside the local populace, the Scouts fought valiantly against the Dogra forces and ultimately achieved victory.


The Independence Day Parade featured troops from the NLI Center, GB Scouts, Women Police, GB Police, Punjab Rangers, Cadet College Skardu, and Cadet College Chilas. The celebrations also included paragliding performances and cultural programs, featuring national and regional patriotic songs as well as local dances.


Similar celebrations were held in all districts of Gilgit-Baltistan, with cultural programs, flag hoisting ceremonies, and tributes to martyrs. The Pakistan Army played a significant role in organizing these events and broadcasting special programs.


As Gilgit-Baltistan commemorates its 77th Liberation Day, it reaffirms its commitment to national unity and prosperity. The region’s rich history, diverse culture, and stunning natural beauty continue to attract visitors from around the world. With its strategic location and abundant resources, Gilgit-Baltistan is poised to play a vital role in Pakistan’s development and progress.

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