The increasing social and economic parameters make parents more anxious than their children. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the academic competition, once only among students racing to achieve the highest scores, has become an absurd duel between the students and their demanding parents. In well-nigh-all families, the plague of comparison begins with the birth of a child. Parents start comparing their children with others and become dissatisfied when someone else’s child is doing better than theirs. The competition gets unbridled as their children enter practical life and intend to appear in competitive exams in pursuit of better jobs and a decent livelihood.
All parents expect their children to outperform their respective peers, especially those in the family circle. And it goes without saying that these socially constructed expectations limit a child’s relative freedom and individuality. In doing so, parents forget that their heightened expectations make their children unable to achieve a barrage of ‘expected’ results and they begin to feel like a burden on their families. They embark on this inexorable voyage of hope with the intention of paying back their parents, which only adds to the affliction.
For example, a parent might insist that their child maintain perfect grades, win all their sporting events, or achieve success in a particular career field, even if the child may not have the same level of interest or natural ability in those areas. This can create a sense of pressure and stress for the child, who may feel that they are being asked to accomplish a “tall order” that is beyond their abilities or preferences, and a child who fails to meet their parent’s academic expectations may face consequences such as loss of privileges, punishment, or even disapproval or rejection from their parents.
Some parents toss the interests of their child overboard as superfluous, going to the extent where they start seeing children as their ‘insurance policy’. They believe — and also make their children believe — that because they have invested so much throughout the child’s educational journey, they must receive their share of the output with interest by the end of their studies or careers, downplaying the emotional toll the children are already facing in practical life at that stage.
Meanwhile, the unsupportive education system adds to children’s woes and they have a rude awakening from a fantasy world to the harsh reality that mere graduation is not a free pass to economic prosperity. As a result, children begin to see their distorted reflection through the lens of society, which idolises those who make immediate success stories of themselves right after graduation.
In this toxic scenario, only parents can comfort their children and inculcate a sense of security in them by their unconditional love and affection. They should encourage the perception that every child takes their own time to make their mark. Therefore, a pyrrhic victory should not be meted out to children on the pretext of productivity that costs them their mental peace and happiness. On the contrary, they should be brought up with a sense of security that allows them to look ahead without fear of failure or obsession with success.
They should be given every opportunity to discover the full spectrum of their human potential and be allowed to learn to survive in the face of the harsh realities of life. In today’s competitive and demanding world, parents may feel the need to exert excessive control over their children’s lives, but such an approach invariably leads to stress and depression. Therefore, parents must recognize that building a healthy and supportive relationship with their children at a young age is just as crucial as providing for their physical needs. When parents and their children view the world in irreconcilable ways, it can create tension and conflict within the family, as well as confusion and anxiety for the children. It can also make it difficult for the parents to co-parent effectively and make decisions that are in the best interest of their children.
However, parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds may face larger challenges in establishing engaging relationships with their children, especially during times of rising inflation and egregious poverty. Not only do they have to deal with financial instability, but they also have to juggle their daily responsibilities with providing emotional support for their children. Their concerns about their children’s future success in a cruel economy that toss the superfluous people overboard in no time are understandable, but then putting undue pressure on them will make the course of life the worst. Instead, parents should focus on establishing a strong emotional bond with their children, which can serve as a foundation for lifelong happiness and success. Monetary rewards should not be the sole focus of the parent-child relationship. Instead, parents should prioritize empathy, understanding, and emotional support.
Furthermore, parents from lower-middle-class backgrounds may not have access to the same resources and opportunities as those from more affluent backgrounds, making it harder for them to engage in activities that foster healthy parent-child relationships, such as family vacations or extracurricular activities. Despite these challenges, parents must prioritize their relationships with their children. Even small acts of kindness and engagement, such as reading a bedtime story, having a family game night, or even praising them for completing their homework or motivating them in their satisfactory results, can go a long way in building strong bonds between parents and children. Since ideas are bulletproof; they don’t die, what we instill in our children will come around to us. Therefore, it is essential to teach them the true meaning of parental relationships and avoid using our parental license as a weapon to impose our thinking on them under pretext of correcting their course of life.
In a nutshell, there is more to parenting than meets the eye. It entails building a strong emotional connection and fostering a love relationship that stands the unforgiving tests of time. By prioritizing empathy, emotional support, and healthy communication, parents can create a supportive environment that empowers their child to succeed and thrive in the truest sense of the word. The most significant gift a parent can give to their child is not licensed control or financial rewards, but the timeless gift of a lifelong bond built on love, trust, and mutual respect, which they will, in turn, pass on to the next generation. In this way, the vicious cycle of toxic parenting can be broken, freeing society from its shackles. Let them succeed or fail in their own ways without driven to despair or faux hope, allowing them to navigate life’s slippery slope.
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October 11, 2023 at 5:32 am
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